#adventuresintryingtolesbian – Her vs. Grindr

I am 35 and not only am I single, but I have never had a girlfriend. Ok…I have only been out just over 2 years…but I have only been on dates with 4 women. I was also married for a long time to someone who never wanted me. Petty sure cobwebs are starting to grow up my vaj. After a few years of separation prior to my coming out it was time to get my online dating on.

After getting frustrated with nothing but straight men contacting me on okcupid (regardless of the fact I was set to not be seen by them) wanting to fuck me straight I decided to try the HER app. I was curious about tinder but as I refuse to use facebook I couldn’t get a tinder account.

Around the same time my ex decided to get a grindr account (yup turns out we were both queer). This proved an interesting experiment at seeing the difference between the two sites…after all they seemed to serve a similar purpose. And by interesting experiment I mean frustrating me to the point of yelling at poor Ryan about it all.

I would go on the HER app and like a bunch of girls that seemed like we might have something in common based on photos. They would like me back. I would then start a conversation with “Hi. How are you” or they would say the same thing. But probably only 1 in 10 would move onto an actual message. Days after having the HER app and not having any luck in even talking to women Ryan opens grindr. He has a terrible photo (and won’t let me take a nice one) and profile (IMO) and once he is set up he shuts it. I swear all day I heard his phone go off. He would run in to give me a blow by blow of all the men that were talking to him, sending him photos and asking him out.

As time went on this is how it went for me. I would say hi and ask how they were. They would do the same. Rinse and repeat until a few days later when I would stop hearing from them and start all over again with the looking, liking and trying to start a conversation. Only a handful of times has it led to a discussion,  a few less to talks of meeting and just 2 dates.

Before the end of the first week Ryan seemed to be talking to at least a dozen people. A good portion just wanted sex, but some were really interested in him and he had great conversations and offers of dates and meet ups…except it became way too overwhelming for him and I haven’t heard anything about it since last year.

So if you’re wondering what it is like living with my ex as we both try and date…it’s hard. But not in the way most people imagine. The jealousy lay with his ease in finding people who wanted to date him, not in his actual dating. Yes we are weird. We share pretty much everything. I have lived with him for more than half my life. I love him so much and I am so relieved that the end of our marriage didn’t mean the end of us. I like being his friend and listening to his grindr stories….just not when I am feeling like there isn’t a single girl in the world for me.

Cate xoxo

I also want to stress that this is my HER vs. Grindr experience. Not queer women vs. queer men in dating.


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